August 29, 2011

Monday Randoms

*This past Friday at the Chehaw wildlife zoo they had a program for 3 and 4 year olds, a story, craft and snack. Me and Abi and one other mom and her son was all that showed up, but it ended up being a blessing in disguise!! After the program me and the mom talked for a little over an hour while our kids played together, it was alot of fun and we swapped names and phone numbers and we are having a playdate at the Flint River park tomorrow after my Bible study!! It's nice to finally start making some friends here!! Here's a few pics from Chehaw : )

* Saturday we had a meeting at Chehaw regarding the disc golf tournament coming up on Oct. 15th and 16th. After our meeting we went and played 27 holes of disc golf. I was actually pretty nervous at first because it was my first time playing with another girl... so silly right? I have only played with guys and who have all been really good players, and so I felt the pressure playing with another girl, and who I will also be competing against in the tournament. But I liked her, she was super nice and my nervousness wore off quickly! My game is improving, but I REALLY need to work on my putting, if I can learn to putt good then I could be a much better player!

* While on the subject of disc golf : ) I will playing in another doubles tournament Sept. 10th and 11th... I'm pretty excited about this one because it's a bigger tournament and alot more people will be competing!

*The gnats are horrible in this part of Georgia. I can handle the heat, but the main reason why we stay indoors during the day and or don't stay outside for a very long period of time is because of the gnats. As soon as you go outside they are flying up your nose, trying to get in your ears and in your mouth, constantly in your eyes, they are miserable... we just got some "gnat hats", why in the world did we not get gnat hats months ago?!?!  If you live in an area where you deal with gnats I HIGHLY recommend these, they really work!! Here's Abi showing hers off : )

* Yesterday, Amber and I went to the movies and saw the movie, One Day... I'm still thinking of that movie, I cried the last 10 minutes of the movie, I don't like movies with sad endings. Amber and I really had no clue what the movie was about, we went to see The Help, but it was sold out, so we just picked another one... Unless you like movies with sad endings... don't go see One Day. It was a good movie, just a bad ending. And I won't spoil it for anyone going to see it, but there's a part in the movie, that makes the movie sad, that just catches you off guard, everyone in the theatre gasped!

* Ama is starting to read pretty well, since she has started school she has grown up so much. Everything is yes ma'am or no ma'am... I'm so proud of her... Every Friday her class takes a trip to the nursing home down the road and they visit everyone in their rooms, this past Friday was their first trip, she said she really enjoyed it, and I'm excited that she gets to do this every Friday!

* Abi has such a fun personality... she is at such a fun age right now and she is constantly making me laugh! She is starting to use her imagination ALOT while playing and the things she comes up with are so funny. She loves doing hair, painting nails and putting make up on, and in fact... I have been getting a foot, leg and back massage the whole time I've been writing this blog : ) Gotta love my Abi!

* As far as me... well... that's a whole blog in itself... maybe I'm being tested on everything that I just worked through... maybe God's throwing another trial in my path to see if I apply what I have learned. It's so easy to step out from under what you are going through, and it's very tempting at times to just quit, and I'm battling that. The urge to just quit. I will make it through this trial. I always do, I'm just getting tired of constantly going through the same ones. Although I will say, I have learned alot from them. God has shown me a lot. I've learned to turn to God first, instead of last when I can't fight anymore. The pain still feels the same, the broken heart still hurts just as bad, but I'm tired of losing my joy to the problems, I'm tired of letting those problems control my attitude, and every thing else in my life. So this time, it's in God's hands, I trust Him, I know that He will take care of me, I can depend on Him, I'm not losing myself in this trial, instead I'm seeking God and asking Him what it is He is teaching me. I'm keeping my joy, I have faith that no matter what, God is in control and I will make it through this.


August 24, 2011

Hair bow fun : )

Today Abi and I made hair bows... Wasn't so sure how they were going to turn out, and the first two I made looked a little pitiful, but I got the hang of it!! Now I just need more ribbon : ) And for some pictures...

 This is everything I used to make my hair bows, except the hot glue gun is not in this picture.

 This is all the ribbon I used : )

 These were the first 2 bows I made... they are pretty pitiful, but we will still use them!

 I figured out that I wasn't cutting my ribbon short enough and this one turned out much better!

These were the last two I made, they turned out the best!

And little miss Abi couldn't wait to wear the hair bows we made : )


August 23, 2011

a little from my heart...

Today is Tuesday... which means I had Bible study this morning, I am still in awe at how God works. First off, the lady that teaches the study, Faye Sharber, wasn't there last week because she was at her grandson's coming home party from Afghanistan. When I saw her this morning I leaned over to the girl next to me and told her I knew Faye from somewhere she looked SO familiar to me, she just smiled and asked if I had seen the movie Fireproof, and immediately I remembered which part she played in the movie. It's so funny, seeing people in real life thinking you've met them, nope just seen them on tv!  That started another discussion and half the ladies at my table were in one of the movies produced by the church, and my small group leader's house was used in one of the movies, it has been fun listening to their stories... but anyways : ) back to how awesome God is... Faye said SO many things today that spoke deeply to me. Her husband was in the Army for 20 years and she told a few Army stories, and she also talked about how women that are going through the same things have such a strong connection. For example she told of the story when her husband was stationed in Okinawa, and she was there with him and every man on the base was called to Vietnam, it was tough on the women left behind and they formed strong bonds and supported each other. Listening to her tell her story I sat there holding back my tears. I have bonded with some people online that are going through the same thing I am. I bonded with a couple of girls when our husbands were going through Basic training together. There's nothing more comforting to have a friend there that knows how you feel. I think that has been one of the toughest things for me with Korea. I don't live on a base, so I don't have other military wives around me, sometimes it feels like noone knows what I'm going through, and really noone does. Noone knows all the personal struggles that me and my husband go through, and then you add distance and such a long time apart, it's hard. 18 months apart is HARD. Our one year tour in Korea is almost over and I am just now understanding the purpose behind Weston being stationed there. It's all coming together... I am so stubborn... God put this trial in my life and I have fought Him and fought Him this whole time, how much easier would it have been to have just admitted and submitted months ago!!  But I'm finally getting it. When the pressures of a trial start weighing you down you can either hold your shoulders high and resist it and try holding up, or you can step out from underneath it and run away from it, or you can fold and fall flat on your face and totally depend on God. At first I acted strong... I resisted the pressure, then I was so close to stepping out and telling God I can't handle this anymore... I didn't sign up for this... but I finally reached the point where I folded, and with a willing heart begged Him to change me, I admitted to my faults and I submitted to Him, and it has gotten a whole lot easier. It's hard to remain under the pressure, but the reward for doing so is so much greater. God knows what He's doing, and we have to trust Him...  Have you ever recognized your faults, knew you had them, and knew you needed to change, but you really didn't want to... That's where I was with my control issues. It's so much easier to take control of matters into your own hands, and I have a really hard time with trust. I've dealt with hurt, pain, a broken heart too many times to count. So instead of trusting, I don't.... I guard my heart, and I control as much as I can. I'm finally to a place right now, I trust God. I'm tired of control and I give it all to Him. I'm not perfect, but I'm finally understanding this trial God has been taking me though.  This Bible study has been amazing and we are only 2 weeks into it.... it's exactly what I needed and God has been healing my heart through it. I'm just amazed out how He works, at how He loves and cares for me enough to do what He does for me.  A lady in my group today put a trial in this perspective... what if you went to the doctor and the doctor told you that you will be gaining a lot of weight over the next few months, dealing with swelling, aches and pains, urinating frequently, nausea... it would be hard to hear those things, but if you went to the doctor and he told you that you were pregnant and would be expecting a baby, none of the things that come along with pregnancy would matter, we would be focused on the bigger picture, a baby! Same for a trial... it's hard going through a trial whether it's a big or small trial, but we should focus on the bigger picture, God has something great in store, he's changing us, we are being refined... : )   Just wanted to share a little bit of my heart today, it's so easy to become satisfied with your walk with God, but He wants SO much more with you. And sometimes it takes a big trial to get your attention. He wants your total dependence to be on Him, and Him alone. If your going through a hard time in life right now I encourage you to visit this website:  and on the Home page of the website there is a box where it says 'Receive a free mp3 download of 'Why Trials', but better yet : ) get the book and all the videos!! They have been amazing for me : ) 


August 22, 2011

Now that school is in session I am sad to see the weekends go... I am not a morning person, and the past few weeks have been rough getting up at 7am every morning, that may not be early to alot of you, but it sure is to me! But it also has been a very good thing for us. When Abi and I get home from taking Ama to school we start by cleaning and doing chores, which Abi loves to do! And then we find things to do, whether it's going to the park, or playing kitchen and babies, or jumping on the trampoline. I have actually had more energy starting my day earlier. Normally, I have a hard time getting anything done before lunch, it just takes me a while to get motivated. But we have found a schedule and it's working very well for us!

This weekend was alot of fun, Saturday I played in my first Disc Golf tournament. It was about an hours drive away, and it was a doubles tournament. I didn't know what to expect and I was a little nervous, until we got there, then I was really nervous! We got there and of course I was the only girl, and everyone was practicing and throwing their discs (which they were all good), and I was so nervous to get up there and throw my discs so I waited, but of course my Dad had to speak and say something so I had to go throw a couple (luckily they went in the direction they were supposed to!) We broke into our teams and I was on a team with my Dad and we broke up into groups and started on different holes, we were in a group with two brothers, they were pretty good and yes I was pretty intimidated, but I just made my mind up and told myself that these people have been playing for years, and me just weeks, and I just had fun. It was nice playing doubles because you got to play the best shot, which mostly was not my throw : )  So it really took the pressure of me and I just got to have fun, if I messed up or didn't make the basket, then the pressure was all on my Dad. We ended up 3 under par with a score of 69 and tying for second place. The brothers that we played with came in first place with a score of 62. It was alot of fun and I know some things that I need to be working on! Although I must say : )  I had several good shots in there! I was pretty proud of myself at the end of the day.

Sunday started out a little rough... I let Skeeter go out to go to the bathroom and there were some people working across the street and like always he ran over there to bark at them, except he didn't make it across the street. There was a truck driving about 45 mph and I watched Skeeter get hit and flip across the road, and before I could run to him he got up and came to me, he was hobbling and whining and peeing all over himself, he was shaking pretty badly and he looked terrified....and I had no clue what to do. I got him inside and he laid down and I just pet him and feeling his body to see if I felt anything unusual, he got hit on his right side and he had a little bloody spot on his back paw, and his front paw he wasn't putting pressure on, but after he calmed down a bit and stopped shaking I had him walking around the yard. I applied pressure to his hips and he seemed fine, so I put him in his kennel and went to Macon, Ga. with Amber and Dad... I'm horrible right : )  He really did seem fine to me, he's pretty lucky, he looked like he got smacked really hard, I watched the whole thing happen and my first thought was that he was dead, I'm still amazed that he's fine. I didn't get home till about 8 last night and I let him run around the yard, his hips were a little stiff looking at first but after he was out for a bit he was running full force and chasing cats and wanting to play. So I imagine he will be sore for a while, but he's no longer limping and he looks perfectly fine! Hopefully he stays away from that road now!

While on our trip to Macon, we went to the Bass Pro Shop and then to JoAnn Fabrics for me, I got some ribbon and hair clips and I plan on making some hairbows this week!! I'm pretty excited about it and I will have to post some pictures when I get them done! Hope everyone has a great week :))


By the way, I started a Facebook page for the disc golf tournament coming up in October here in Albany, GA. Check it out, and help me spread the word!!!/pages/Josh-Franklin-Memorial-At-Chehaw/275596935788292?sk=wall

August 16, 2011

When Life Is Hard...

Last week I called Sherwood Baptist Church about there upcoming Bible Study that started last Thursday night, the lady on the phone told me the details and then told me about another Bible study on Tuesday mornings at 9:30, except the Tuesday morning study offered child care, PERFECT!! So yesterday I went to the church to find out where I was supposed to go and to go to their library to purchase the book for the study. Everyone was so nice there and I even met one of the guys that stars in their new movie coming out, Courageous!!  He was super nice... but anyways : )  I was taken to the library and showed the book that I would be purchasing... when I read the title I was literally fighting back the tears...
I bought the book, made my way out to my car, after telling Mr. Moviestar and the office workers bye, and flipped through the book. The first words I read were 'Surrender To The Refiner's Fire And Come Forth As Gold'. The study is about the trials that we face in life... what is a trial??? It's a painful circumstance ALLOWED by God to change my conduct and my character...  to change me : )  It deals with TRUST... relying on God and trusting in Him  to burn away the impurities and bringing you forth as gold.  I sat in my car just in awe of God. With everything I have been going through since Weston has been gone and here He brings me to this Bible study that has to do with the very things I am going through.

So this morning I arrive early to the church, a little nervous of how Abi was going to react to being dropped off in a nursery and not knowing anyone. She did great, she had a wrist band with a number on it and I had to wear the matching wrist band with the same number, and when I picked her up they told me I could only pick her up if I had the matching number wrist band (thought that was neat). She didn't cry one bit, she went off and found her a baby, and a kitchen and she was in a world of her own. So I made my way to the Bible study, the room was packed... I made my name tag and was told to pick a table with an open spot and help myself to some breakfast. I chose a table in the front with one girl sitting at it, she looked to be about my age, her name was Jenna and she was super nice... came to find out her and her husband were also in the movie, Courageous, it was fun listening to her talk about it... I really liked her! There were about 60 women in the room and they all seemed to know each other but everyone made me feel very welcomed. The table that you sat at would be your small group for the next 7 weeks, so we started off by introducing ourselves, and it really surprised me at how comfortable I felt with these women, and how ironic our group leader's name is Georgia : )   Sitting there listening to these women and me myself sharing and interacting I had to hold tears back a few times. It just amazes me at how God can work in your life, I KNEW that I was meant to be a part of this study, but not only the study, this group of women, I connected with them, and I'm looking forward to next Tuesday!

Today we talked about what trials were and why we go through them, and we picked Hebrews 12 apart, and for the rest of the week until our next meeting we have HOMEWORK : ) it's more like devotions, but the book is a workbook, and there is reading, Bible studies, writing involved, I'm super excited to dive into this study and see what God has planned. God is so faithful, and I'm so excited about the place that He is taking me. It has taken me a LONG time to get to where I am, but He knew the buttons He needed to push and the things I needed to go through to get to where I am today, and I still have so much further to go... I will always be a work in progress, until I reach Heaven...  But I am being sanctified : ) 


August 15, 2011

Zip Lining!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday morning me and the girls packed and headed to Dad and Amber's and started the 2.5 hour drive to Whitesburgh, Georgia. We went to Historic Banning Mills to stay in a cabin for the weekend to celebrate my Dad's 50th birthday, and Ritchie's 49th birthday. Friday when we got there we went on a little hike to the creek and played on some rocks. We decided to hike further down to find a safer swimming area for the girls, we found some fun rocks for the girls to slide into the water and we were all having fun when I freaked out... and ended up making Ama scream and cry... I can't help it though, the girls were covered in little leeches... So I ripped their clothes off of them and wiped all of them off and searched every inch of their skin (yes even the hidden crevices) to make sure I got them all. And Amber washed their clothes off in the creek!  So... unfortunately that was the end of us playing in the creek for the day : )  But we had a lot of fun, and I didn't scar them for life, they are ready to go play in the creek again...

Saturday, me, Dad, Ritchie, Mitch, Justin, Brandy and Buck were going Zip Lining... I had the most fun I have had in a long time. It was a blast and I'm ready to go again!! I will admit I was pretty nervous at first, I had never done anything like this before and me and heights aren't exactly friends... But thankfully you start small to get the hang of it and then work your way up to the bigger lines. The only Zip Line that I was really nervous on was the Screamin' Eagle, we were higher than the trees and it was pretty scary, but SO much fun!  We did 22 bridges on the Extreme Tour and they were so much fun too. We had two of the best guides, and I even plowed into one of them coming in too fast, I definitely can't wait to go back!!! The Screamin' Eagle Zip Line was 148 steps to get to the line, and all the 5 hours of walking and climbing and balancing on bridges, and then at the end we did a free fall, it was 8 ft. higher than the Screamin' Eagle tower and we climbed those steps twice (I may have crawled on my hands and knees up some of those steps ;) ) So needless to say, YES I AM SORE! Last time I felt that exhausted was in Basic Training for the Army. But I would do it all again tomorrow if I could!  Maybe skip the free fall... : )  that is the most scared I have ever been in my whole life. To take a step off of a platform and plummet 100 ft. was pretty scary, and I almost chickened out... but I did it... TWICE!! I can't even describe the feeling... I had SO much fun though : )  One of my favorite things about the zip lining tour is that that is all you think about. All of your focus is on the bridges, balancing, and climbing, preparing for the next zip line. It was such a great mental break. I didn't think about finances, or moving, or all the problems in my life, I was only focused on the task on hand. If you are looking for something fun to do and a to get away for a weekend, I HIGHLY suggest Banning Mills. You can hike, kayak, go paddle boating, they have horse back riding and lots of trails to ride on, they have easy zip line tours and the challenging ones.... it's beautiful there, and TONS of fun : )  Here's a few pics from our weekend!!

Our Cabin
Abi posing on a rock during our hike
A view of the creek
The swimming hole we found

The rock the girls were using as a slide, also the rock that they got the leeches
Me and the girls
Pops, Nana and the girls
The first bridge and zip line tower
The 600ft. Sky Bridge that was 100ft. over the gorge
The Screamin' Eagle
The view on The Power Free Fall

August 10, 2011

Mid~Week Randoms!

* This weekend is a pretty important birthday... My Dad is turning the big 50! To celebrate we are going here to go zip lining, and I am SUPER excited! I'm not nervous yet, but I'm sure Saturday morning I will be! I'm excited about hanging out with family too, and spending some time with my cousins Justin and Brandy : )

* I am loving my new phone... it's so much fun and I can do so much on it! I recently downloaded an app that keeps track of all my calories, weight lost, how many calories I burn... it makes the whole diet thing a lot more fun... I am down a total of 12 lbs.... woo hoo : )

* Last weekend, Dad and Amber took me shoe shopping and I got a pair of Merrel's, and I must say it is the most comfortable shoe I have ever owned!  They feel great and offer so much support, I love them!

* I marinated some chicken yesterday and decided to grill them instead of putting them in the oven like I usually do. I have been hesitant to use the grill because I wasn't exactly sure what to do, I had no directions to follow... But I did a really good job! The chicken was PERFECTLY cooked, and it tasted SO good. Ama and Abi ate every bite of their chicken. So now all I want to do is grill : ) 

* Yesterday I had a God moment. God will meet you wherever you are... I put on some Jesus Culture (LOVE that band), and I felt like God was telling me to just worship him, so I did. And I poured my heart out to Him... He met me here, and I felt His love so strongly... I gave Him a willing heart, and in return I have peace... I have joy, I have some motivation... I feel recharged. I know everything is going to be okay, and even though I'm going through a storm, the sun will shine again. God did some pretty awesome things for me yesterday, things that for now will stay between me and Him, but I just wanted to share, to praise Him, to thank Him...I love God. He's so Beautiful : )

I hope everyone has a spectacular day!!

August 9, 2011

Good Beautiful Tuesday Morning!!!

A friend of mine had a podcast from The Ramp on her facebook page, and I stayed up until 11pm last night listening to it... she said "it would wreck you!", and I wanted to be wrecked... I'm going through a such a strange time of my life right now, I'm diving into the Word of God like never before but I'm still struggling, and last night in my room I felt God so strongly speaking to me. And I wanted to share : )

God is re-shaping me, He's making Ashley new, He's working on me, and to do that I have to go through some ugly, I have to face the ugly to fix it. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for God to change me for God to help me, but I haven't been willing, I haven't had the willing heart. I showed up to ask God to fix me, but I wouldn't let go of what I was holding onto. I didn't ask with a willing heart. I didn't want to let go of things, I expected Him to just pry my fingers off of them and take them away and make everything better. Am I willing to allow God to change me???  Are you willing to allow God to change you? It sounds so easy, YES, please, God change me. But it's hard. It's hard to let go of every hurt that you have endured, every pain that you have gone through, it's hard to forgive and forget, it's hard to be vulnerable, it's hard to once again put your heart back on the line and not know if it's going to be crushed again. It's hard to be willing... But what if I am not willing... what if I missed out on my God-given opportunity because I wanted to choose my own way? My own way will only result in failure, being miserable, going through 1,000 pains.  Last night this guy talked about lukewarm Christians, we go to church once a week, we pray, we love God... but we are satisfied...we are lukewarm, and we make God want to puke. Listening to him last night made me miss that fire... that burning with passion fire. That not wanting to be normal, wanting to be that radical Jesus freak and falling completely in love with Jesus. The podcast is Come To The Feast by Damon Thompson, check it out! 

I've been wanting to attend a church in Albany for some time now, but it seems like I always have an excuse for driving the 40 minute drive : )  But last night I got an email from my mom encouraging me to go to a church in Albany, and it was like God reminding me once again you need to go. I have been wanting to go to Sherwood's Wednesday night church, they branch off into Bible studies and the women have their own study group and I have really been wanting to go, and once again I got excited about going this week but I have a pretty special birthday party to attend, BUT... there is another women's Bible study on Thursday that I'm calling about today!

Being re-shaped isn't always fun, it's tough and painful going through the process, but all I have to say is world, you better watch out when God gets through with me : ) 


August 8, 2011

I feel like I haven't posted a blog in a LONG time!! I wanted to post a couple of pictures from my recent trip to Indiana... it was my sister's birthday : ) And I also wanted to share a couple of pictures of Ama on her first day of school!!

This was at the midnight showing of Captain America (REALLY good movie by the way:))

Me and Hanah at the movies

Ama doing her pose in her school uniform

And this is the traditional Ama pose : )

Life has been a whirlwind of craziness the past few weeks... my car got really sick, and I had to put a lot of money into it, which stressed me out, but it all worked out and I'm happy to say my car is lots better : ) Ama started the first grade.... where is the time going?!? I can't believe my baby girl is in the first grade. She is going to a Charter school and we really like it, they are very disciplined and Ama complains, but it's good for her : )  It's been fun doing her homework with her and seeing how much she is learning, she's only been going to school for a few days and she has learned so much!  Abi misses her sister and asks me all throughout the day when we are going to pick Ama up. But, Abi and I have been getting in some good quality time, I try to keep her busy with bike rides and going to the park and playing outside, and of course helping me clean, the kid loves to clean and I LOVE it!

Weston will be flying back to the United States in just 11 short weeks!!! We still don't have official orders but as of right now it's still looking like we will be heading to Ft. Hood, Texas, although he has put in a last attempt request for Ft. Benning, GA.  We are planning on staying on post and seeing how we like living on base. With him doing an unaccompanied tour we will jump to the top of the waiting list and have heard that we "should" get a house within a few days to a few weeks of him arriving to Ft. Hood. So me and the girls are looking at moving sometime in November.  Although I must admit... I have grown very fond of Southwest Georgia and it will be very sad to leave here.

As far as me : )  I'm doing as good as to be expected... I have been going through trial after trial in my life and I hope to come out the other side a much better and stronger person, and a deeper relationship with God. All I can say is this... When Weston comes home we will have been apart for 18 months... except for a few visits between there. It's been harder than I thought it would be, it's no secret that Weston and I have had our fair share of marital problems, who hasn't? Satan is out there to steal, kill and to destroy... and I'm going to leave it at that. I don't understand why we go through the things we do, I know that God had a reason for Weston to be stationed in S. Korea, and I also know that me moving to Georgia has played a big role too. I have found me again, my eyes have been opened to so much that I would have never seen had I not left all I knew and came here. I don't know how to explain that... something about leaving my family and best friends, and church, leaving everything that was comfortable to me, and coming to a new place... I love the South, I could do without the crazy gnats here :)  but I have really grown to love it here. Here in this tiny little town, God has forced me to see myself, my heart... and I haven't liked it... it's hard really getting down to the root of who you are. I am so hard on myself, probably all of us are in some way. But I realized that I have set the bar for myself pretty darn high, unrealistically high. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. But I'm done beating myself up for all my failures. I'm human. I'm also a people pleaser, something I hate about myself. I just want to be me. And you can either like me, or not. I like to be honest... I like talking about life, I like really diving in and being open with people. But alot of people can't do that. We all want to hide our dark parts, our secrets, we are too ashamed of what someone may think or say. We want to appear like we got it all together. None of us do. We all have our faults, we all sin, yet we want to point fingers at others and talk about their sin because maybe it makes us feel better about ours? Or we treat someone differently because they messed up... I have learned to try my best not to judge someone because it will come around and I will go through it too. God has a plan for me, I'm going through one of the hardest times of my life for a reason. And I know there are still many more hard times to come. I don't understand all the feelings that I am dealing with right now, I don't understand why some things are so hard for me to do, why I am the way I am : )  I am a work in progress, always will be until I reach Heaven. I'm going through alot right now, I'm at a fork in the road and I know which path I need to choose, but for some reason I'm struggling to choose the path, I don't know why it's so hard for me... But I'm working through it. Every day is a battle for me, battling your flesh is hard. But I am fighting... and I do have God on my side...