August 8, 2011

I feel like I haven't posted a blog in a LONG time!! I wanted to post a couple of pictures from my recent trip to Indiana... it was my sister's birthday : ) And I also wanted to share a couple of pictures of Ama on her first day of school!!

This was at the midnight showing of Captain America (REALLY good movie by the way:))

Me and Hanah at the movies

Ama doing her pose in her school uniform

And this is the traditional Ama pose : )

Life has been a whirlwind of craziness the past few weeks... my car got really sick, and I had to put a lot of money into it, which stressed me out, but it all worked out and I'm happy to say my car is lots better : ) Ama started the first grade.... where is the time going?!? I can't believe my baby girl is in the first grade. She is going to a Charter school and we really like it, they are very disciplined and Ama complains, but it's good for her : )  It's been fun doing her homework with her and seeing how much she is learning, she's only been going to school for a few days and she has learned so much!  Abi misses her sister and asks me all throughout the day when we are going to pick Ama up. But, Abi and I have been getting in some good quality time, I try to keep her busy with bike rides and going to the park and playing outside, and of course helping me clean, the kid loves to clean and I LOVE it!

Weston will be flying back to the United States in just 11 short weeks!!! We still don't have official orders but as of right now it's still looking like we will be heading to Ft. Hood, Texas, although he has put in a last attempt request for Ft. Benning, GA.  We are planning on staying on post and seeing how we like living on base. With him doing an unaccompanied tour we will jump to the top of the waiting list and have heard that we "should" get a house within a few days to a few weeks of him arriving to Ft. Hood. So me and the girls are looking at moving sometime in November.  Although I must admit... I have grown very fond of Southwest Georgia and it will be very sad to leave here.

As far as me : )  I'm doing as good as to be expected... I have been going through trial after trial in my life and I hope to come out the other side a much better and stronger person, and a deeper relationship with God. All I can say is this... When Weston comes home we will have been apart for 18 months... except for a few visits between there. It's been harder than I thought it would be, it's no secret that Weston and I have had our fair share of marital problems, who hasn't? Satan is out there to steal, kill and to destroy... and I'm going to leave it at that. I don't understand why we go through the things we do, I know that God had a reason for Weston to be stationed in S. Korea, and I also know that me moving to Georgia has played a big role too. I have found me again, my eyes have been opened to so much that I would have never seen had I not left all I knew and came here. I don't know how to explain that... something about leaving my family and best friends, and church, leaving everything that was comfortable to me, and coming to a new place... I love the South, I could do without the crazy gnats here :)  but I have really grown to love it here. Here in this tiny little town, God has forced me to see myself, my heart... and I haven't liked it... it's hard really getting down to the root of who you are. I am so hard on myself, probably all of us are in some way. But I realized that I have set the bar for myself pretty darn high, unrealistically high. I'm not perfect, nor will I ever be. But I'm done beating myself up for all my failures. I'm human. I'm also a people pleaser, something I hate about myself. I just want to be me. And you can either like me, or not. I like to be honest... I like talking about life, I like really diving in and being open with people. But alot of people can't do that. We all want to hide our dark parts, our secrets, we are too ashamed of what someone may think or say. We want to appear like we got it all together. None of us do. We all have our faults, we all sin, yet we want to point fingers at others and talk about their sin because maybe it makes us feel better about ours? Or we treat someone differently because they messed up... I have learned to try my best not to judge someone because it will come around and I will go through it too. God has a plan for me, I'm going through one of the hardest times of my life for a reason. And I know there are still many more hard times to come. I don't understand all the feelings that I am dealing with right now, I don't understand why some things are so hard for me to do, why I am the way I am : )  I am a work in progress, always will be until I reach Heaven. I'm going through alot right now, I'm at a fork in the road and I know which path I need to choose, but for some reason I'm struggling to choose the path, I don't know why it's so hard for me... But I'm working through it. Every day is a battle for me, battling your flesh is hard. But I am fighting... and I do have God on my side...


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