A friend of mine had a podcast from The Ramp on her facebook page, and I stayed up until 11pm last night listening to it... she said "it would wreck you!", and I wanted to be wrecked... I'm going through a such a strange time of my life right now, I'm diving into the Word of God like never before but I'm still struggling, and last night in my room I felt God so strongly speaking to me. And I wanted to share : )
God is re-shaping me, He's making Ashley new, He's working on me, and to do that I have to go through some ugly, I have to face the ugly to fix it. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for God to change me for God to help me, but I haven't been willing, I haven't had the willing heart. I showed up to ask God to fix me, but I wouldn't let go of what I was holding onto. I didn't ask with a willing heart. I didn't want to let go of things, I expected Him to just pry my fingers off of them and take them away and make everything better. Am I willing to allow God to change me??? Are you willing to allow God to change you? It sounds so easy, YES, please, God change me. But it's hard. It's hard to let go of every hurt that you have endured, every pain that you have gone through, it's hard to forgive and forget, it's hard to be vulnerable, it's hard to once again put your heart back on the line and not know if it's going to be crushed again. It's hard to be willing... But what if I am not willing... what if I missed out on my God-given opportunity because I wanted to choose my own way? My own way will only result in failure, being miserable, going through 1,000 pains. Last night this guy talked about lukewarm Christians, we go to church once a week, we pray, we love God... but we are satisfied...we are lukewarm, and we make God want to puke. Listening to him last night made me miss that fire... that burning with passion fire. That not wanting to be normal, wanting to be that radical Jesus freak and falling completely in love with Jesus. The podcast is Come To The Feast by Damon Thompson, check it out!
I've been wanting to attend a church in Albany for some time now, but it seems like I always have an excuse for driving the 40 minute drive : ) But last night I got an email from my mom encouraging me to go to a church in Albany, and it was like God reminding me once again you need to go. I have been wanting to go to Sherwood's Wednesday night church, they branch off into Bible studies and the women have their own study group and I have really been wanting to go, and once again I got excited about going this week but I have a pretty special birthday party to attend, BUT... there is another women's Bible study on Thursday that I'm calling about today!
Being re-shaped isn't always fun, it's tough and painful going through the process, but all I have to say is world, you better watch out when God gets through with me : )