February 28, 2011

Bataan Deathmarch

Well here goes nothing never blogged before but im going to try, this past saturday me and group of our squad participated in a qualifier for the Bataan Deathmarch. We had trained and everything for it but it was still hard and challenging, but we made a deal that we start as a team and end as a team. Thats what we did, we had one that rolled his ankle and we carried him for a good long while then he wanted to walk so he walked for awhile then we gave him his ruck back and he completed the whole thing. It was hard because i got blisters really bad on one foot but its okay i pushed through it, because I wanted to finish the whole thing just to say i did it I wish I wouldve taped up my feet but lesson learned. I cant wait for the next ruck march even though im going to sick call tomorrow cause one toe is raw im going to get it looked at. Well enough about the ruck march.
I want to also talk about how much I love my beautiful wife and kids they are my world and what drive me from day to day knowing that I will get to be home with them soon even if its just on leave. I also know that after leave I only have a few months here then I get to go back and get stationed some where with my family and I cant wait for that because its hard being away from them and right now being away from them makes me want out. I just want to wait and see how I like the army when I am living with my family, I have the most beautiful wife in the world and I miss coming home to her every night and spending all my time with her and the girls. I feel as though since I have been gone I have missed out on alot of the girls lifes and I dont like that its coming up on a year and its been a hard year but I know that all this has happened for a reason. I also know that it will help us somewhere sometime it will make a difference. Well Ashley I Love you with all my heart and cant wait to wrap my arms around you. I love you to infinity and beyond beyond.

February 23, 2011

A little bit of why...

Over the past few weeks I have had people excited for me about my move to Georgia, and I have had quite a few not understand my move to Georgia. So I thought I would share a little of my heart and my decision. When Weston went to Basic Training for the Army I knew that it would be just me and the girls for the next 5-6 months. I was mentally prepared for those next few months. Not emotionally prepared, I had no clue how him not being there was going to affect me or my girls. While he was in Basic (it was about 10 weeks) I did surprisingly good, actually if I'm honest, it was actually a really good thing for me, the only communication we had was through letters, with an occasional phone call, so the love letters written back and forth made me fall in love again... don't all girls love getting love letters ; ) (Weston, hint hint, I'm way overdue). We got to see each other at his Basic graduation and we took him to Advanced Individual Training, where he would be for the next 13 weeks. So although it was hard for me to go back home, I was prepared for it, mentally, and I knew that we would be together soon. Around this time the guy I sub for at the post office was having a lot of health problems, so I started working alot. I work every saturday being a sub carrier and it was getting really difficult finding people to watch my kids, with my dad working shift work and Tonya having a job and planning a wedding, my friends ended up watching my kids alot, I have no clue what I would have done if I didn't have them, they are two of my best friends and I love them so much! They shared their family time with my kids and I will never be able to express how much they mean to me. But it also stressed me out because I was always concerned of stressing them out. But I told my boss my last day would be in September because we would be moving in October to wherever the Army sends Weston. Well as October got closer and closer, we found out Weston would be going to South Korea... Totally caught both of us off guard, but I knew God was in control. We started the application process to go over there with him, only to find out that they were absolutely full and shortly after us applying they changed how they sponsor families and basically if we wanted to go over we would have to pay our own way, and that was financially impossible. Weston actually brought up Georgia a few times and I said no, my friends are here, family is here, it would just be too hard. But, I am still full time, and with Ama in school not only do I still have to find people to watch my girls on saturdays, now I have to find someone to take Ama to pm kindergarten everyday, thank goodness she can ride the bus after school. I have been learning the single mom life and I'm constantly stressed out, I get up around 5:40 every morning, take the kids to daycare, go to work, pick the girls up most the time around 3:30 or 4, then home to do chores, supper, spend time with kids, and bedtime. By the time 6 or 7 comes around I am absolutely exhausted, I have such a new found respect for single parents, it is hard! On my day off I don't have time to just relax, I'm catching up on laundry, doing grocery shopping, cleaning. I'm tired. And I'm sick of being so tired. All the way back to high school my dream when I grew up was to be a stay at home mom. My heart's desire is to be at home with my girls. I feel very strongly that I need to be homeschooling Ama, I have wanted to quit for a long time but couldn't, for financial reasons, for the fact that everybody tells me how good of a job I have, I would be crazy to quit the post office... And now we depend on that money. My calling right now is to be a mother, is to raise my children, and for me I want to give that my all, my 100%, because right now I am failing my girls, I'm too tired and stressed to be the mother that they deserve. The end of December while I was working, I was just telling God how hard it was, I cried, I told Him I couldn't handle it anymore. And the thought of moving to Georgia came to mind. I prayed daily about it, I went back and forth for weeks, I had so much confirmation from God but I kept telling Him I needed more than what He was giving me, I literally wanted someone to walk up to me and tell what to do, haha! But I had to trust God, it was scary for me because I had no control of the outcome, I have no clue what will be waiting for me in Georgia, I won't have a job and that scares me, we have depended on my income for a long time. I am comfortable here, I have a church, family, friends... But I have an opportunity to move to Georgia and stay in a trailer rent free, but more than that to get to spend time with my father and family that I have never spent more than a week or two at a time with. I have always wanted the opportunity to get closer with my father and family from Georgia, and with Weston gone, this is the perfect opportunity for me to do just that.

It has been 10 months since Weston has been gone, that's a LONG time. Abi is really too young and I haven't noticed any change in her, but Amariah I can really start to see things in her. She has started to show signs of an eating disorder... she's 5 years old... and right now the newest thing is her tantrum she will throw. Ama has always known how to throw a fit, but the past 2 weeks she has talked about missing her daddy alot, and also when she gets upset, and I mean over the littlest thing, like yesterday she asked me to turn on a certain cartoon, I told her to hold on a minute and I would be there, because I didn't go right then she screamed and huge tears flowing and she shut herself in her closet in the fetal position rocking and crying that she missed her daddy. What she does is the same every time, but she either goes to her closet or she finds a corner. She's having huge meltdowns over the tiniest things, kids not sharing with her, her not getting her way, if she can't do something right... it's just getting ridiculous, and honestly I don't know how to handle it, sometimes I do really good, sometimes I probably handle it wrong. I need to be there for my girls. Especially Ama, she needs me right now, all of me, not my tired, stressed don't want to deal with anything self. Could I go the next 8 months working and just handling it, yes I could. But I don't want to. I'm ready to quit and devote my attention to my girls, I'm so excited for us this summer, I have joy again, stress has already started to lift just me knowing I'm almost done with work. I know with my whole heart that this is what I am supposed to do, I have no doubt whatsoever, no second guessing myself. I'm excited. In my personal blog I wrote about the year 2011 being a year of me changing, of God doing things in me, and I 100% believe that this will play a big part in that change in me. I can't wait to move, to get me and the girls on a routine, a good schedule. I can't wait to focus on them, I have big plans for them this summer, big changes in store, I can't wait to start!! So noone may understand my reasoning, I know that we chose the Army, and this is part of it, but my job is probably the biggest cause of stress in my life, and I have the opportunity to quit. But more importantly, I prayed about it, I didn't just make a quick decision. I'm excited to see what unfolds for us in the coming months. I'm just excited : ) that's all I can say, I have joy... which for me is huge.

February 20, 2011

Tabor update!

Weston's new tattoo... yes....that's my name covering his whole forearm. And he plans on getting more, he says it is addicting... we shall see. This one will be his South Korea souvenir. He also recently went on a hike through Soyo Mountain, and here are 3 of my favorite pictures he took!

We are currently planning on Weston coming home for vacation the end of April (we can hardly wait)! We have a packed schedule while he is home, but the the most exciting is DISNEY WORLD! The girls are so excited to be going, and Weston and I are too! Ama and Abi ask me almost every day to watch youtube videos of the rides, or characters, Abi asks to see Doofy (Goofy) all the time.

As far as the girls are doing, Ama is outgrowing her clothes, everything I go to put on her is a struggle, she has outgrown all but 2 pairs of pants, so I'm constantly washing clothes so she can have clean jeans, most of her shirts are a tight fit, I can get them on, but they don't come off to easily : ) which isn't fun for Ama, she is moving into the big kid department!! Ama is loving school and is doing very well in school, we are proud of her.  Abi is such a stinker, she is my helper with everything, she pretty much stays by my side, and most of the time tells me what to do. I think she's a little OCD on certain things! She's very bossy, but she's so cute. She is so animated and has the funniest facial expressions, she is all the time making me laugh, that's one of my favorite things about her. No matter what mood I am in she brings a smile.

And me... I'm working full time for another 4 weeks!! Only 4 more weeks!! I am so ready to be done. I get one day off in the middle of week and then I have Sunday off. Sunday's are busy, not too much ever gets done on a Sunday, so my other day I get off is super busy. I'm cleaning and catching up on laundry, and packing. The house is starting to look bare, I have lots of boxes packed, I have gone through the girl's rooms and decluttered, gotten rid of toys, I have been doing that with all my stuff. It amazes me how much stuff we accumulate. I have reserved our moving truck and now I am just focusing on packing and getting ready for moving day, March 26th! I'm still nervous, but the excitement far outweighs being nervous. I can't wait to just be able to stay at home with my girls and devote my time where it should be.

Have a BLESSED Sunday!!

February 16, 2011

Amariah : )

She makes me smile. I scheduled an appointment to have Ama's pictures taken since she's turning 6, and I told her that she got to pick out her outfit, anything she wanted to wear. For one I knew she would pick something decent out because she's in to fashion. But two, I kind of wanted to start a birthday picture tradition, every year having their picture taken around their birthday and I wanted it to reflect them. Out of everything she could have picked, she wanted a "fancy party dress", and not only did she want her picture taken in it, but she is wearing the same dress to her party. So that was her birthday present, a "fancy" dress. I was trying so hard not to laugh at times, because she was strutting. She had her hair straightened, fingernails and toenails done, her fancy dress, and high heels on. Everywhere we went tonight she had one hand on the hip and the other swinging and she was walking like she was on the runway. She was too cute. Tonight she felt pretty, and she wanted everyone else to see too. She is a very special girl, and I can't believe she is about to be 6 years old! And I can't wait to share her pictures with everyone!

February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day

: ) Sorry Babe, but most of the Skype pictures I have of you, you have no shirt on!! You are out in the field somewhere in South Korea. And it's Valentine's Day... I miss you. We are supposed to be together, celebrating our love. But as hard as it is to be apart, I am excited for the things that God is doing in our marriage. This separation is a part of God's plan, and I'm finally starting to see the purpose behind it. I am so proud of you. I think you are an amazing man, amazing husband, and an amazing father. God has great things in store for you and our family. God truly blessed me with my perfect Valentine, I love you so much... to infinity and beyond!

February 11, 2011

It's official... I have BIEBER FEVER!!!!!

Ama and I had a girl's night, she loves Justin Bieber and his movie came out today, Never Say Never, it's actually a documentary type movie, I should have explained that to Ama because she was pretty confused at first. But she LOVED it, she sang all the songs, and she would just giggle at his every move like a star struck kid with a crush. But I went into the movie already liking Justin, but watching him and how his personality is, and how everyone surrounding him is, I REALLY REALLY like Justin Bieber now. Not in the crazy I love you way that most of the teenage girls do. But he is just a good kid, he has a good heart, and he has amazing family that surrounds him. His story is incredible, and I don't care who you are, the boy can sing and DANCE!!! I loved watching him dance. People (mostly the boys) that make fun of Justin, I think are just jealous, he's got it all, the moves, the voice, the looks, the personality, he's hilarious, and his personality is infectious. The theatre was packed... mostly of girls, but there were some boys too... most all of the younger girls there were there with their mommies, but what really got me, were the little girls that were there with their daddy's. How sweet of that dad to take their little princess on a date to the movies to see a movie that you know he has absolutely NO interest in. In my mushy, emotional age, I was tearing up sitting in the theatre watching the dads come in with their little girls, trying to act just as excited as they were. Now that I saw the movie... me and Ama DEFINITELY have to go to a concert. And yes... I will be purchasing his CD on ITunes : )